Understanding loneliness

Most of us have experienced loneliness. But what exactly is loneliness?

Even though we know loneliness as such, we often run away from it for fear of unpleasant emotions.

To escape loneliness, we use all kinds of activities – for example hobbies such as music, TV, the internet, sport or studying. Some of us also spend a long time searching for the perfect partner. Some take refuge in addictive substances such as alcohol. Without being aware of it, we pursue many of these “occupations” so as not to be alone with ourselves. They also include countless efforts to gain attention and recognition from other people.

If we were to let go of all these outward-oriented activities for once – or of everything we do out of this drive – many of us would sense an inner emptiness, heaviness or numbness. At first these experiences can be “painful”.

The “art”, then, lies in perceiving the emptiness and these unpleasant repressed emotions within oneself and bearing them. Conversely, constantly shrinking back from this pain, repressing everything and turning outwards through distractions leads us neither to our true inner strength nor to inner harmony or balance.

Loneliness as a chance to unfold our potential

It would be advisable for all of us to understand the loneliness that dwells within us, because our true potential lies hidden behind it. The first step can be to face loneliness consciously for once and to set all distractions aside. Then to feel within ourselves that loneliness is part of us but does not belong to our real essence.

The point is not to judge, condemn, repress or try to resolve loneliness, the unpleasant emotions that go with it, or ourselves. Having compassion, patience and understanding for ourselves and for others is the better way. Accepting oneself as one is, feeling and recognising the potential in oneself and in others, seems to me to be the right way. In this way the thought and the corresponding feeling can take root that we are lovable just as we are – with all the thoughts and feelings that dwell within us.

With a little practice this gets easier. And over time we will be able to turn to our loneliness with more composure and relaxation. But first achieving relaxation is important. Relaxation is an important precondition for dissolving unpleasant emotions that ultimately make us ill. In calm and solitude we come ever closer to the state in which we can perceive and discover our true self.

Self-confidence, self-love, self-respect

Ultimately, life is about self-confidence, self-esteem, self-respect and self-love. Living this creative intelligence that dwells within us is the true purpose of our existence. As soon as our mind is in absolute stillness, we can reach the state of ALL-ONE-NESS and simply be.

So we see that it is worth consciously doing without distractions from time to time. Perceiving only ourselves for once, feeling only ourselves and so exploring our inner self. Only by recognising, accepting and transforming what has been repressed can we unfold our full potential.

When we recognise and feel that we ourselves are the most important person in our lives – the one we need to take care of – real love and devotion become possible. From this can come inexhaustible inspiration, inner strength and creativity.

In my view, unfolding our full potential is not possible without the path to self-love and self-knowledge. I don’t mean that it is necessary to renounce all social pleasures. Rather, we should consciously choose something that strengthens us, does us good and thereby opens us up.

On the path of self-knowledge it is fundamental to understand repressed disappointments. It is also important to work through and resolve old shocks and traumas. It is essential and advisable to seek professional therapeutic help with this. By that I mean a good doctor, therapist or energy practitioner. In any case, this person must have the appropriate perception and holistic knowledge and must perceive us on the mental, emotional, physical and spiritual levels.

We can recognise the right kind of support by the fact that we feel perceived and at ease with this person and can relax. For trust and composure are always important preconditions for the successful application of methods.

Warmest regards, Franco Stolz

I have been a member of GAIA since the spring of this year. I am happy to pass on my knowledge, my topics and my many years of experience as a coach and therapist. I very much welcome feedback and comments.

Let us live our true potential and change the times with it.

I work in the Vienna area, among other places. To arrange a personal conversation or to work through personal issues, I am available on +43 660 6064228 or by email (in German).